The face says it all | Photo by Joel Z.
Focus on the Process: How an Evolution in Mindset Changed the Way I Compete
By Whitney Hubbard
The CrossFit Open season is an incredible time of year. As a coach, I’m pretty much guaranteed weekly goosebumps watching athletes completely outperform their expectations or achieve something they previously thought impossible. Just as often, I’m inspired by watching members lift each other up, cheer each other on, and push each other outside their comfort zone. And as an athlete in Open season, I get to participate in the test. Has the year of training paid off? Will the hours of work translate into results? Am I better than I was a year ago, two years ago? Have my weaknesses improved? Do I have new skills, and can I express them when the challenge arises?
But there’s another series of questions I’ve also asked myself. And maybe you have, too. They’re less about my personal progress and more about the competition. Where do I stand? Did I beat so-and-so? Who am I behind on the leaderboard now? What place am I in? Why did they do better than me? (Also, why do I still suck at Thrusters!?)
In CrossFit, though surrounded by other athletes, we are essentially on our own. It’s us, the barbell, the jump rope, and the clock. It’s us versus our best. That’s really all there is. But when you’re left alone with yourself, you might find there’s a web of thoughts to confront and a few stories to unravel along the way.
My own thoughts and stories became apparent as I got more outwardly competitive a few years ago. I considered myself decently fit and pretty “good” at CrossFit. I had developed some skills with the help of my coaches over time—Kipping Pull-Ups, consistent Double-Unders, heavier Snatches. But I had also noticed I could “beat” other athletes in workouts. After four or five years of doing this stuff, I felt excited to consider myself someone who could “hold her own,” could compete, and maybe win from time to time. I decided I was ready for the next level: CFSBK Competition Team.
Spinning Stories — a.k.a. “How to make yourself feel like total crap when you’re already endeavoring to do something very challenging”
The days of Comp Team were fun, demanding, frustrating at times, and definitely a big push. But heading home at the end of a long Saturday, it often felt like I was running myself into a brick wall. Our group would hit a killer three or four part training session, ending with some soul-crushingly hard conditioning workout, probably in 90 degree humid heat with the door open. And somehow the 400m run on Degraw Street was now uphill in both directions. But not for everyone, mind you—just for poor little me, if you catch my drift. And I would simply feel like not enough.
Everything about me was less than or worse than. I took longer to warm up because of some injury I was nursing. I had less weight on my barbell. And I wouldn’t, just couldn’t, keep up on that conditioning. Sooner or later, I’d be lagging behind, watching the other athletes — especially the women — pass me. Or lap me. I finished a lot of workouts last. Or I scaled when others didn’t and then beat myself up for it the whole time. It was important to me to be at this level, to work alongside others that I considered incredibly strong, powerful, fast, and fit. There’s got to be an adage here that fits. Little fish, big pond. Only as good as the company you keep. Yada yada yada. More often than not, though, the result of these sessions was not lifting myself up to their level but rather mentally pushing myself down. I rarely ever “won.” And if I did, it never lasted. Or never meant much because I must have just gotten lucky that day or it was something I was naturally good at, so it didn’t really count. Coach Brett and I won a local CrossFit team competition with another male athlete in October that year. I was so happy to be on top of a podium. But I was also sure it was only because of those two guys on my team, and I was simply tagging along.
What a load of shit.
All Slump, No Pump
I didn’t realize it at the time, but my mindset was a big part of my problem. I constantly externalized and compared myself to others’ efforts and performance—things I had absolutely no control over. I saw myself as less than, and I expected to have that outcome proved over and over again. I was born with hemihyperplasia (formerly hemihypertrophy), which means one side of the body grows more than the other due to an increased production of cells. So, I have one leg and arm shorter/smaller than the other, and a lot of structural imbalances inherent in my body because of the condition. That’s my reality, but it doesn’t need to define me. I’ve mostly tried to deal with the logistics of it but ignore its implications.
Even still, I figured I was just intrinsically “less fit” than some other athlete I admired. When faced with obstacles and challenges I gave up easily, talked myself out of things, or worked with even less effort. Because what was the point if I wasn’t going to beat him or her anyway? Even if only subconsciously, I was more focused on avoiding failure than I was on doing my best. If you’re familiar with Carol Dweck and her research on achievement and success, it seems clear that I was operating with a Fixed Mindset. I was in a self-defeating cycle and had all these inspiring individuals around me with which to threaten myself on a weekly basis. Needless to say, it was frustrating and pretty dark. Add to that a few recurring injuries, and I had a tasty recipe for an old-fashioned slump with a side of self-pity.
Know Thyself: You Got What You Got! Now What?
Flash forward to 2016, when I attended a couple of incredible workshops: the Performance Care Athlete Workshop at Active Life Athletics and an OPEX Athlete Camp. Though quite different in subject matter and scope, I walked away from both of these experiences with a sense of reality around my capacity and training. Not with what I thought I could do, how I saw myself, or what I was hoping for, but just… what is.
We did all sorts of testing: mobility, flexibility, absolute strength, neuromuscular efficiency, lactic power, gymnastics battery, etc. You can’t really game this stuff out. You accept the parameters, do the work as best you can, and see what happens. You get a sense of things as they are. You’re nailed to the present moment. And somehow, even though we picked apart the numbers and details and outcomes, and even though I still compared myself to other people on that whiteboard (old habits die hard), there wasn’t a value judgment placed on it all. It didn’t mean so much about me, that I wasn’t as good as others or that my best wasn’t enough. It just was what it was. I walked away with concrete information about my current capabilities. Most of all, I left with ideas for how that could change over time. There were real, substantial implications for training. And that’s where the magic happens.
Empowered by this information, I started programming for myself and essentially trained alone from about October onward. It was an adjustment, but it felt necessary. Armed with specific information, I challenged myself to actually do something about it. I’ve known about my leg-length difference my whole life. But now I can’t ignore how crucial single leg strength training will be for my overall health and longevity in this CrossFit stuff. Squatting will probably always be a structurally difficult movement for me, so should I really be concerned that my Power Clean is now the same as my Clean? Or should I spend my time elsewhere? My Overhead Press is a relative weakness, so if I want my shoulders to function better and hurt less often, I have a clear priority.
There’s something else buried in all of this. Somewhere along the way, I think CrossFit got the reputation for kicking you square in the ass all the time. That if you weren’t wiping your blood, sweat, and tears off the floor at the end of every single day in the gym, you weren’t doing it right. But the past few months of training have proven otherwise for me. I started thinking so much more about my recovery, taking some extra time to walk my dog or spending an hour doing simple aerobic work after a couple of tough training days. I focused on executing workouts at sustainable effort instead of trying to bang out every last rep before collapsing on the floor. I practiced caring a little less about numbers on the board and a little more how I felt and what I could sustain during the WOD.
Plan to Succeed, Do Your Best, and Be Content
So here’s the thing: even with all of the details of this testing and training, the biggest difference in my experience of the Open was my mind. I concentrated on my own reality and allowed the work of others to fade into the periphery. A big portion of why I’m still doing CrossFit after 7+ years is the community and comradery that our gym provides. I’m already enjoying taking group classes more frequently right now to contribute to and feed off that energy. But learning about myself and engaging with the process of training—rather than trying to prove myself, look good, or win the workout every time—have transformed my approach to the day-to-day and the way I compete when the time is right.
I cringe as I write this because I’m afraid of how it will read, but a big portion of what allowed me to be my own version of successful in the 2017 Open is that I didn’t care nearly as much about what everyone else was doing. Did I still look at the leaderboard? Hell yes, I even volunteered to tally the scores! Did I still ask around for top times and reps? Sure did. But when it came time to actually do the workouts, I found my own focus to prepare and give my best effort.
- Assess the workout: How do my strengths and weaknesses play here? What is this really testing? I know those Dummbell Snatches are going to add up, but if I just stay calm and find the rhythm, I can keep moving.
- Think about timestamps: If I want a chance at that second round of Bar Muscle-Ups, how will I need to pace to get there with a bit of time but without blowing up?
- Consider what’s possible: Ok, maybe I’ll get some Open magic and be able to rock out a Snatch or two at 135? Stay calm and focus on getting the work done with a good tie-break time up to that point.
- Test out some rep schemes: I know I could do 10-15 reps on those Deadlifts, but maybe it’s better for me to commit to sets of 5, take short breaks, and stay steady.
- Create a strategy: Go in with a plan. And then be adaptable. Doing 35 Double-Unders unbroken is usually no problem. But when I feel my heart rate spiking and I know that’s going to force a big rest before the next set of Thrusters, it’s probably time to do two quick sets and not fall apart.
- Visualize success: It seems crazy, but I watched myself do pieces and parts of these workouts, step by step, in my mind before even stepping foot in the gym. Mentally rehearsing it beforehand—the rhythm of a kip, the pace of a lunge, the bounce of those double unders—means my body can just repeat the work I’ve already done.
It all comes down to this: what is the best possible way that I could execute this workout on this day, with my body the way it is in this moment? Not the me from two weeks ago before my neck tweaked out. Not what I think Coach KHarpz can do so I should try to do something sorta close to that even though I know it’s probably not possible cuz she’s such a beast uggghhhhh. That stuff is irrelevant.
What do I need to focus on, let go of, remember, and forget in order to create my best possible performance right now?
Having this conversation with myself, I walked away from each Open workout with a sense of contentment. I did my best today. Not anyone else’s best or my best the way I hope it could be in another year. Would I get some skill adaptation if I repeated the workout again in two days and get a couple more reps or shave off a few seconds? Probably. (But I’m not going to Regionals I wasn’t interested in going through that shit again to find out!) Did I leave anything on the table today as it stands? Hell no. Was my best sufficient to top someone else on the leaderboard?
That, my friends, is completely out of my control.
_____________________
Yesterday’s Whiteboard: DB Thrusters, Burpees
Nutrition with Lipson CrossFit Journal
The “True” Human Diet Scientific American
Wednesday's Programming
Performance
"Nate"
AMRAP 20 Minutes:
2 Ring Muscle-Ups
4 Handstand Push-Ups
8 American KB Swings 32/24kg
Jumping Muscle Ups are an acceptable sub if you have a few ring dips and stability in the catch on the rings. Scale ROM to up to 2 AbMats and load on the KB as needed.
Post rounds, reps, and Rx to comments to comments.
Fitness
AMRAP 20 Minutes:
10 Pull-Ups
15 Push-Ups
20 KB Swings
Scale the Pull-Ups to Jumping Pull-Ups and the push ups to knees as needed. The KBs should be on the heavy side for you.
Post rounds, reps, and Rx to comments.
Coach Whit <3 <3 <3
AG
A.
Handstand Walk Practice
B1.
5 min
12 goblet squats, 24/16kg
20 double unders
-rest 3 min
B2.
5 min
3 pull ups
8 DB push presses, AHAP/unbroken
rest 3min
B3.
5 min
5 burpees
12 KB swings, 24/16
rest 3min
B4.
5 min
5 toes to bar
8 Wall ball, 20/10 14/9
Great article Whit-nice. Thanks for sharing.
Isn't it curious, dear readers, that only the coaches are published on the main site while certain masters of the belles-lettres are relegated to the comments section? Apparently the "editor", likely alone in his views, feels that there is no place for Rich Froning fan fiction at CFSBK.
#resist.
Whitney- thanks for sharing. I hope you know you inspire us all.
Up for grabs
I left four kb meals in the fridge.
Someone please eat them.
I'm now going to do Mondays wod in a hotel gym….
COACH WHIT!!! <3
Whit! thanks for this!
I am absolutely in that fixed mindset, with all the 'not good enough…' self talk. i'm always inspired by you…and the mindset – I know this is such a game changer. Will be working on that!
A great write up Whit. I feel that NYC contributes to the not good enough, not doing enough mind set. Its really hard to get out of. Thanks for helping.
Coach Whit! You are not only a talented coach and athlete and philosopher, but writer too! Great article; very thoughtful and helpful.
Whit, way to drop some ed psych knowledge in there! I have definitely felt like the past two years I've transitioned a lot more from the mindset of "things I can and can't do" to "things I am working on." This is an awesome remind to continue to consistently reflect, prioritize, and reevaluate as needed. And always to find the joy in what you do – otherwise, what's the point!
Wednesday Fitness WOD: 6 rounds + 7 pull ups.
Might have fallen on my face during the first push up – was not ready for it and felt every thruster from yesterday. Did the KB swings American with 20kg.
My hands could not handle any more after, so decided to finally push though and do Flight Simulator. Took 12:22 with three trips along the way and lots of rest to make sure each set would count.
Small 6am doing Monday's workout
I'm glad this one didn't come up in the Open. Did it at 50# which was super challenging. Finished in 15:47. Lots of small sets on the thrusters
Drop the mic…….walk away. WHIT!!!!! This article. You nailed it. Mental game is huge, and this is why I love competition. Forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to perform under pressure becomes easier the more you do it, and you can really learn a lot about yourself along the way. This one time i saw whitney row her face off at the 718 competition two summers ago. I remember thinking, "damn, she is so dark right now". It's a tough spot to find, but I feel like Whit is an awesome example of slow but steady progress, with much respect to the process. I've always admired that about her, because I have traditionally been more of the *let's just wing it and see what happens, and if my arm falls off, then 'oops!' sort of athlete* I've learned a lot from her over the years, and respect how hard she has worked to get better. Super cool to see how far she went in the open this year after transitioning programming in the fall, it's a tough thing to do. She is an all around bestrode athlete and friend. Wish the blonde nado could unite more often!!! Love you <3
Yesterday:
3RDs:
8 high pulls ea @ 30#
10 1-arm sumo DL ea @ 53#
30s Handstand hold
Snatch Complex, every 90s for 10 sets:
2 snatches (floor) + 1 snatch (hang)
1-3: 110#
4-7: 115#
8-9: 120#
10: 125#
This felt GOOD. failed the first complex from the hang, and everything got better as it got heavier. Forced myself to do these in metcons to wean myself off of oly shoe dependency. Was so excited how fast i was under the hang @ 125#, that i yelled "SMOOSH!" super loud in my catch. That's kind of how it felt though. I just sort of smooshed myself under it. I also finally figured out how not to slam the bar so hard into my thighs, which is definitely taking up less energy
WOD: 3 rds w/ 5 min rest in-between sets
6 min per round:
500M row
4 strict HSPU
50 DU
7 Box jump overs
strict pullups in remaining time
Completed 12/16/15 pull-ups. Soon 43 pull-ups total. Pushing pace on the row in the last two rounds because transition to stations was pretty big. This was fine. This was programmed as bar MU but I'm trying to lay off of dynamic gymnastics for a couple of weeks.
Cool down:
EZ 400M run
4 TGU @ 35#
25 cal Assault bile (50 RPM)
(was supposed to do 3 rds but I was smoked and hungry)
10am class doing Nate
Surprise PR at 15 rounds + 6 reps. Didn't realize how close I was to leaderboarding or I "might" have found a few more reps in there.
Noon w/ Jeremy and NO ONE ELSE because I was the only one doing Wednesday 🙁
Fitness WOD: 7rnds + 3 pull ups, scaled to jumping pull ups, the world's saddest push ups from my knees, and 16kg american kbs
I'm very sorry to Jeremy for making him pass an hour this way. I burned out on the pushups after…the first round. Yesterday's mental breakthrough couldn't make up for the totally fried shoulders today, but oh well!
Off for three weeks of travel, 2 for week and 1 for vacation. Catch y'all on a weekend in between all that, I think!
Mad knowledge on the blog – great article, Whit.
@Jaystar – ha! Some of us have been featured on the blog too. Keep tryin' son.
10AM with McJess
Monday's workout with 30# DB thrusters. Finished in 19:08
I keep getting e-mails from Jay with the subject line "50 Shades of Froning" and I just delete them. A lot of people read this at work, buddy.
Serious knowledge from Whit in a really clear and readable article — thanks, Whit! Wish I'd read this yesterday before going into Monday's workout…
Yesterday: 10 a.m. w/Ro & Brett. 19:32 @ 40#. Should've done it at #45, results would've been about the same and I'd be kicking myself less. Just a gross time all around. Had a plan for the thrusters but the burpees really did me in. Worries about form became self-fulfilling prophecies, etc., etc. Learning experience.
Today: 10 a.m. w/Jess doing Wednesday's work. Fitness WOD @ 24kg on the kb (American): 5 rounds + 2. Getting 52 pull-ups in a work-out feels like a great accomplishment, looking back on it, but I'm disappointed I didn't push the swings a little harder, given that I went lighter on them in order to do them all American.
Whit, thanks so much for revealing yourself in that way. It's really reassuring to know that even the beasts among us sometimes have to work through mental blocks to get to a good place.
If you have a kombucha SCOBY you need to give away, please ping me. I need one. mignyc at gmail dot com, por favor.
Whit – thanks so much for sharing! It's been incredible and inspiring to see your hard work pay off. I can relate to a lot of your thoughts and experiences and especially now, battling the desire to workout in group class versus working on my weaknesses via customized programming at open gym. The struggle is real!
Sometimes its nice to be re-centered by an article like that…thanks Whitney…It kinda made me think about where I want to be in a year and how I need to get there, while having fun!!
Short Circuit with Brett…..
Love these days…I always forget about all the little accessory exercises that I should be doing weekly, but this class reminds me. Especially things like Cuban rows or extensions
Aeorobic capacity workouts are great too
round 1 (10 mins)
20 DU
8 WB
2 Wall walks
round 2 (10 min)
130m run
10 renegade rows #20
:30 DB OH hold #35
These were rough, especially the second round workout. But I'm starting to listen to my body more and pace more efficiently!
Hit a Nasty burner with Ryan before too
4 min
30 per snatch #65
30 OHS
Amrap Bar facing burpees (11)
4 min rest
4 min
20 per snatches #85
20 OHS
Amrap burpees (14)
4 min
10 per snatch #95
10 OHS
Amrap burpees (19)
Focused on cycling the snatches rather than dropping and resetting!!
Competition on Saturday so now I'm gonna have to relax a little lol
Love the Jay/Josh banter
Great article from Coach Whit. Ive seen a lot of this stuff play out with her behind the scenes and know we all have a lot to learn from someone that's gone through it all like Whit has.
Excited for NATE tomorrow. I haven't attempted this workout in a while, curious to see how I do.
Thanks for this post Whit. It's spiritually nourishing and an act of grace when someone in a position of status shows vulnerability (see: Obama crying), and also shares great tips. Which I don't think Obama did.
In the past two years or so I've started to try to treat everything I do as a craft. Much like carpentry or other activities in which we regard mastery as a result of daily repetition and incremental improvement. Teaching is a craft, improv is a craft, writing sketch is a craft, movement is a craft. As a result the intensity of both successes and failures is dampened and my self esteem isn't bound up in an abstracted interpretation of my worth. It's not that I can't do it, it's that I can't do it yet. I have a tendency to either think I'm the world's greatest or go into "martyr mode" when things don't go my way, so setting SMART goals (google it), and exhibiting some temperance has been incredibly helpful. Thanks for the good thinking material. Trust the process, etc.
Anywho.
WOD: 9 rounds 7 pullups. Jumping pull-ups, 20kg kettlebell USSR style. In honor of crush week I went up in weight on the kettlebell. Was sure I was going to have to break it up but I did all of them unbroken! I guess it's time to start using the 20kg regularly in workouts. Whit had a good tip to not flare my ribs at the bottom of my jumping pull-ups and just move through the shoulder, which actually made them much easier. Which should have been obvious to me, cause generating power with a flared rib and therefore unengaged serratus is like impossible. Just kept chugging, gave it hell at the end. Broke the pullups up 5,5 after the fourth round, kneeling pushups, 5, 5, 5 after the second.
Have sneaking suspicion the Monday DOMS will be of the 48 hour variety, so excited for that tomorrow. Fun workout.
Awesome article Whit!
Thanks for the feedback and comments, folks! I was excited to write but very nervous to share, and glad that I eventually did.
Fun smattering of stuff in the gym this afternoon:
A. 15 min easy row in the sunshine (3000m), then … hip mobility, xover symmetry
B. Messing around with 12kg KB…
a few rounds of
10 hand to hand swings
3-5 KB high pulls
3-5 KB cleans
3-5 KB snatches
on each side
I am not very skilled at that stuff.
C1.
DB Bench press @ 30×1, 8-12 reps x 4 sets
30# x10 warm up
40# x 8, 9, 9
HARD
C2. 4x10ea single leg KB DL @ 12kg each hand (3 sets R, 4 L)
D.
75 WB shots (14#, 9') for time, with
3 power clean (115#) EMOM
time: 3:51
27, 16, 17, 15
*starts on WB's, not cleans
*spicy! was able to just embrace the suck. would be interested to try this with 100 or 125 WB's
*caught my last clean like a real a$$hole and insulted my lower back on R side. should be fine.
E.
1 mile run with 16# vest, easy-moderate pace
9:41
not terrible
whit, your post was a welcome reminder to those of us who still feel new to this that *everyone* is continuously struggling and succeeding and growing – even our amazing coaches. thanks for your honesty & insight
Awesome post Whit, really strong advice and wisdom! Also solidarity from another uneven leg lengthed gal! 🙂
Didn't post yesterday so wanted to say that I loved learning more about Tori. It was so interesting to learn about how CF has impacted your dance career. Impressed that you commute from Queens to go to SBK and that your parents introduced you to CrossFit!!
Whit, this article is perfection! It's been awesome watching you grow into a beast (in the best way possible) and to learn that you go through struggles like the rest of us!
Monday's WOD @25# in 15:32
The big decision today was to scale (25#) or super scale (20#). Rx is 30# for me. I haven't slept much in the last four days and didn't want to overdo it. Plus I did Hotel Hell last week @20# and had a time 2 minutes slower than I had 2 yrs ago! Yikes!
I definitely selected the appropriate weight today. It was challenging and I was only 1 minute slower than my estimate. I followed the same rep scheme as Fox (8-7-6, 7-6-5 etc.) and wrote it on a whiteboard. I'm terrible at keeping track of the 21-18-15 rep schemes so this helped me not miss or do extra reps and it gave me a plan. If I hadn't laid out this plan, I most certainly would have done more sets because I took lots of long breathing breaks! I can usually pick up the pace on burpees but not today.
So glad I decided to come in and work out because I was really productive the rest of the day despite lack of sleep! And hopefully tired enough to go sleep at a reasonable time. Although I'm posting after midnight. Back to school tomorrow!
WONDERFUL article by Whit! Loved reading this.
Whit this is awesome and perfect!!! I think your perspective is so smart, so valuable, and so important.
Small related anecdote: After jumping into CF at two different gyms on opposite sides of the country and flaming out-slash-injuring myself both times, I re-started at CFSBK and was nervous coming out of Foundations that I would get swept up in my own competitiveness and do the same thing all over again. Your advice to spend at least 6 months just focusing on acclimating my body to the workouts and measuring my progress against myself and not the people around me has been so spot-on. Appreciate your being both an inspiration and a voice of reason.
Whit, thanks so much – both for the coaching in class, and for writing this. After Thursday's workout last week and Monday's workout this week, I was going down the mental hole of "not good enough." Your article was perfectly timed to help me to recognize the gains I've made, and focus on what gains should be made next – not look at is a win/lose scenario.